Category: Relationships

The Gift of Service: Certificate
By Categories: Counselors, Creating community, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Parents, Relationships Leave a comment

Download page for Service Certificates Click here to download a page with two copies of a certificate you can duplicate to offer the gift of your service to someone in your life. This page corresponds to Chapter 4, “The Pleasures of Service,” in Magic, Miracles and Synchronicity by Jane Bluestein, Judy Lawrence, and S.J. Sanchez. See below…

Angels in Disguise: Certificate
By Categories: Counselors, Creating community, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Increasing Positivity, Parents, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Stationery item, Teacher Appreciation Leave a comment

Download page for Angel Certificates Click here to download a page with two copies of a certificate you can duplicate to recognize and acknowledge the Angels in Disguise who enrich your life. These “angels” could be family and friends, or they could be helpers, service people, or total strangers who add to your life with…

Non-Supportive Responses to Avoid
By Categories: Counselors, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, Health and Safety, Parents, Problem solving, Relationships, Social and Emotional Growth Leave a comment

Yes, these really do make things worse! If people trust us enough to share an experience that has had an emotional impact on them, we usually do the most good when we can respond with empathy and support. Unfortunately, the following non-supportive or negative responses are so common and pervasive in our culture that avoiding…

“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, General Interest, Increasing Positivity, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parents, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for…

What’s Wrong with I-Messages?
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, General Interest, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Relationships, School climate, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself 10 Comments

Problems with a popular formula © 1991, 1999, 2003, 2013 This article was originally written for an issue of Families in Recovery, a parenting magazine that is no longer in print. Although the examples primarily feature parent-child interactions, the dynamics, issues, and alternatives are applicable to any relationship. A man in one of my workshops…

10 Characteristics of Healthy Adult-Child Relationships
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Modeling positive behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Recognition and reinforcement, Relationships, School climate, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Description of the characteristics Healthy, functional relationships between adults and children (including teacher-student relationships) are characterized by the following. Increasing the presence of these characteristics in your relationships is a great way to improve commitment, communications, cooperation and consideration, and reduce stress and conflict as well! This list applies to parents and care-givers as well…

Rules and Beliefs of Unhealthy Systems
By Categories: Counselors, Cultural Changes, Culture and Community, Educators, General Interest, Parenting, Parents, Relationships, School climate, Schools in Society, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Foundations of unhealthy adult-child group systems For much of my recent career, I have referred the following two lists (“Rules” and “Beliefs”) as the basis for the paradigm in which many of our current practices and polices exist. The information comes from Alice Miller’s work (cited below) and represents destructive, if common, ideas which cumulatively…

The Dignity Stance
By Categories: Counselors, Creating community, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, General Interest, Health and Safety, Parents, Problem solving, Relationships, Social and Emotional Growth, Students, Taking care of yourself Leave a comment

Tips for responding to meanness or bullying by Naomi Drew Note from Jane Bluestein: Ms. Drew recommends teaching kids the following strategies. I think this information would also be valuable for adults in a similar situation.

5 Characteristics of a Good Boundary- For Educators
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Educators, Increasing Positivity, Leadership, Motivating cooperation, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win authority Leave a comment

 A positive, effective shift from rules and punishments Unlike rules (with punishments or negative consequences), boundaries* are characterized by the following: Clarity Boundaries are clear, specific and clearly communicated. They work best when you have the students’ attention, when they understands what you’re requesting, when the positive outcome of their cooperation is clear and when…

Presentation: The Soft-Drink Dilemma
By Categories: Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Parents, Presentation, Presentation for educators, Presentation for parents, Presentation- general interest, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself Leave a comment

Creating Win-Win Options in a Win-Lose World Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Have you ever noticed that if you go to a restaurant and want a soft-drink, in almost every case you have to decide between Pepsi or Coke products? A silly distinction, but one that reflects the win-lose mentality that suggests in order for one side…