What is Optimal Self-Esteem?

By Robert ReasonerJuly 6, 2022July 6, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Life Management, Parenting, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Recognition and Reinforcement, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth approval, authentic self, autonomy, competence, ecosystem, feedback, improvement, power, progress, seeking approval, self, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-motivation, sense of worth Leave a comment

Egosystem or Ecosystem? This piece was contributed by Robert W. Reasoner, former president of the International Council for Self-Esteem. It appeared in the council’s Research Bulletin #1, May 20, 2006 It is generally accepted that people seek to maintain, enhance, and protect their self-esteem. Although there may be cultural variability in its expression, the tendency to seek self-esteem is…

5 Reasons Perfectionists Never Achieve Their New Year’s Resolutions

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 17, 2022June 17, 2022 Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Life Management, Mental Health, Overcoming obstacles, Perfectionism, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself conditional acceptance, gradual improvement, guilt, intentions, perfectionism, positive growth, resolutions, self-sabotage Leave a comment

It’s not because you’re weak! “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” —Japanese proverb The statistics aren’t promising: Only 8 percent of the people who make New Year’s resolutions actually achieve their goals. Since my resolutions don’t seem to change much from one year to the next, with only varying degrees of progress each time, I…

8 Ways To Start Being Your Authentic Self

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 17, 2022June 17, 2022 Counselors, General Interest, Life Management, Mental Health, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself authentic self, authenticity, avoiding toxic people, being valued, confidence, old messages, seeking approval, self-care, true self, useful feedback Leave a comment

You can finally stop faking it! When we’re young, our survival depends on the approval of others. Most of us grow up looking for ways to fit in, which often means living up to the expectations others have for us—rather than being our authentic selves. In general, the need for approval drops off over the…

Does Your Confidence Propel or Sabotage You?

By Pam VincentMay 7, 2016April 30, 2022 Avoiding burnout, Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Overcoming obstacles, Perfectionism, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself confidence, positivity, psychological strength, vulnerability Leave a comment

How confidence affects our happiness There are two different kinds of confidence a person may embrace. One comes from a strong, quiet strength and the second type comes from a fear-based confidence. Quiet confidence is an inner strength that when attained doesn’t have to be talked about or placed on a résumé; it shows in a…

Starting Over is Not Failure

By Dr. Jane BluesteinMay 2, 2016April 30, 2022 Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Overcoming obstacles, Parents, Perfectionism, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth accomplishing goals, accomplishment, adversity, completion, fresh starts, goal-setting, growth, moving forward, new day, optimism, perfectionism, persistence, rebounding, resetting goals, resolutions, setbacks, starting fresh, starting over, trying again Leave a comment

Beginning a new year. Or a new day. Note, May 2, 2016: I started this post on Feb. 8, 2014 and, like many things I started during the time I was working on the perfectionism book, lost track of it before I finished. I think the idea of coming back more than 2 years later…

Finding Consistency in an Inconsistent Life

By Dr. Jane BluesteinApril 29, 2016June 9, 2022 Avoiding burnout, Blog, Life Management, Mental Health, Overcoming obstacles, Perfectionism, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself commitment, consistency, quality, self-care, self-discipline Leave a comment

Moving forward even if I’m doing it wrong I just read this article about successful blogging, and like every similar piece I’ve seen, this one contained a strong word of advice about being consistent. This makes sense: people tuned into a particular person or resource like to be able to count on regular contact, updates, and materials….

Another Perfectionism Statistic

By Dr. Jane BluesteinMarch 15, 2016June 11, 2022 Counselors, General Interest, Mental Health, Overcoming obstacles, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Taking care of yourself dealing with decline, depression, handling failure, perfectionism, suicide Leave a comment

An issue that will always need attention As a longtime fan, I was reading about the recent death of Keith Emerson (keyboard player for Emerson, Lake and Palmer), still feeling devastated by recent losses of a number of well-known people who have held a place in my life for many years. Of the numerous comments reflecting on this…

Presentation: The Perfection Deception

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 28, 2015May 2, 2022 Counselors, Creativity and independence, Cultural Changes, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Health and Safety, Overcoming obstacles, Parents, Perfectionism, Presentation, Presentation for educators, Presentation for parents, Presentation- general interest, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself abandonment, attachment, authenticity, compensation, culture, emotional safety, health, healthy striving for excellence, image, inner critic, media, mental health, overcommitment, perfectionism, physical health, relationships, self-acceptance, self-care, suicide Leave a comment

Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging our relationships, making us sick, and holding our happiness hostage Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Perfectionism may sound like a good thing, but it’s entirely different from the more realistic and achievable healthy pursuit of excellence. Working diligently toward improvement, learning, and growth is also far less destructive (and…

Book: The Perfection Deception

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 27, 2015November 21, 2022 Books, Counselors, Cultural Changes, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Parenting, Parents, Perfectionism, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself attachment, authenticity, bodily harm, body dysmorphia, compensation, culture, eating disorders, emotional safety, health, healthy striving for excellence, image, inner critic, mental, mental health, motivation, overcommitment, perfectionism, physical health, relationships, self-acceptance, self-care, suicide 4 Comments

Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging your relationships, making you sick, and holding your happiness hostage. Have you ever: * compared yourself to others and seemed to come up short? * felt like no matter how much you did or how hard you tried, it wasn’t enough? * set unrealistic, even harmful standards for…

Bibliography for The Perfection Deception

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 5, 2015September 25, 2016 Bibliographies, Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Parents, Perfectionism, Recommended Reading, Teacher Appreciation 1 Comment

Resources for Bluestein Perfectionism Book Note: The following list includes the resources cited in the book, The Perfection Deception. Contributions are identified as obtained through email, written correspondence, personal messages, posts or comments on social media, telephone conversations, or face-to-face interviews or conversations between March 2013 and June 2015. This list does not include individuals…