Category: Win-win parenting authority

5 Characteristics of a Good Boundary- For Parents
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

And why they are better than rules Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want, and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as…

“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, General Interest, Increasing Positivity, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parents, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for…

10 Dangers of Encouraging Obedience and People-Pleasing
By Categories: Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Educators, Motivating your kids, Parents, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority 1 Comment

It’s not as desirable as it sounds! Parents can’t choose the mates of their children or the behavior of their children. You actually can’t choose anything for your children without disempowering them. —Abraham-Hicks* So many of the parents and teachers who come to my presentations (especially ones like “You Can’t Make Me!” and Dealing with Difficult Students,…

6 Reasons to Not Ask “Why”- For Parents
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Counselors, Discipline, Intervening negative behavior, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

No more excuses! This post is about not asking for excuses by asking your kids to explain why they did something wrong or forgot to do something they were supposed to do (or had agreed to do). This is a common pattern that will create problems and can undermine your authority. Here’s why asking “why”…

11 Reasons to Use Boundaries- For Parents
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Counselors, Discipline, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Establishing your authority with boundaries * Boundaries allow you to express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability of certain privileges that your children desire. * Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself while attempting to accommodate your children’s needs or desires. * Boundaries build…

9 Things to Remember when Setting Boundaries- For Parents
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Counselors, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Practical tips for making boundaries work * Use boundaries to let your children know your limits and tolerances, your availability, the conditions under which you will participate in some activity, which privileges are available, or the conditions under which a privilege is available to your children. Use boundaries to give your children information they can…

Examples of Some New Ways of Thinking
By Categories: Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Intervening negative behavior, Mental Health, Modeling positive behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Transforming old messages into more constructive thoughts Old message: If only my students (or kids, spouse, boss, parents, the government, etc.) would change, my life would be better. New message: If my current behaviors (or thinking patterns) aren’t working for me, I am willing to change them.  Old message: Other people’s actions, words and attitudes create my feelings…

10 Characteristics of Healthy Adult-Child Relationships
By Categories: Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Modeling positive behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Recognition and reinforcement, Relationships, School climate, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Description of the characteristics Healthy, functional relationships between adults and children (including teacher-student relationships) are characterized by the following. Increasing the presence of these characteristics in your relationships is a great way to improve commitment, communications, cooperation, and consideration, and reduce stress and conflict as well! This list applies to parents and care-givers as well…

Rules and Beliefs of Unhealthy Systems
By Categories: Counselors, Cultural Changes, Culture and Community, Educators, General Interest, Parenting, Parents, Relationships, School climate, Schools in Society, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Foundations of unhealthy adult-child group systems For much of my recent career, I have referred the following two lists (“Rules” and “Beliefs”) as the basis for the paradigm in which many of our current practices and polices exist. The information comes from Alice Miller’s work (cited below) and represents destructive, if common, ideas which cumulatively…