Curfew Blues?

By Dr. Jane BluesteinSeptember 4, 2013May 4, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority curfew, negotiating agreement, positive consequences, securing agreement from kids, seeking win-win outcomes, setting boundaries, setting limits Leave a comment

Time to Agree about Time Do you get pushback from your kids when you try to enforce a curfew time? If so, you’re in good company. This is an area of conflict for many families and very often, the automatic response to a child’s negative response—whether sulking, arguing, complaining, or flat-out defiance—tends to result in

Good Parenting or Effective Parenting?

By Tammy CoxJune 9, 2013May 4, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Win-win parenting authority alternatives to control, controlling children, effective parenting, guiding children, kind and firm parenting, parenting, teaching self-control 2 Comments

What is the Difference? Good parents control their children. Right? When a child is throwing a temper tantrum at the supermarket, everyone is thinking, “If they were good parents, they’d control that kid!” Well, perhaps not everyone thinks that, but when it’s our child and we are the ones on center stage, it usually feels…

Is Control the Goal? with Tammy Cox

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 9, 2013May 8, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Discipline, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

The high price of trying to control children Episode Summary: Power is an intrinsic need we all have from day one! When it comes to adult-child relationships, power struggles are consistently at the top of the list. We all know that kids need limits and structure to grow into responsible adults, but there is also an…

5 Characteristics of a Good Boundary- For Parents

By Dr. Jane BluesteinMarch 31, 2013May 7, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

And why they are better than rules Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want, and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as…

“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication

By Dr. Jane BluesteinMarch 28, 2013December 1, 2022 Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, General Interest, Increasing Positivity, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parents, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority avoid conflicts, boundaries, communicating with adults, communicating with kids, de-escalating conflicts, dealing with kids, negotiating agreements, self-care, setting boundaries, teachable moments, unacceptable behavior Leave a comment

Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for…

10 Dangers of Encouraging Obedience and People-Pleasing

By Dr. Jane BluesteinFebruary 9, 2013May 7, 2022 Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Discipline, Educators, Motivating your kids, Parents, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority 1 Comment

It’s not as desirable as it sounds! Parents can’t choose the mates of their children or the behavior of their children. You actually can’t choose anything for your children without disempowering them. —Abraham-Hicks* So many of the parents and teachers who come to my presentations (especially ones like “You Can’t Make Me!” and Dealing with Difficult Students,…

What’s Wrong with I-Messages?

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJanuary 14, 2013May 7, 2022 Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Counselors, Discipline, Discipline, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, General Interest, Intervening negative behavior, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Relationships, School climate, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself 10 Comments

Problems with a popular formula This article was originally written for an issue of Families in Recovery, a parenting magazine that is no longer in print. I come back to revise and add to it from time to time, particularly when I see this strategy being promoted in advice columns or seminars. After more than…

11 Reasons to Use Boundaries- For Parents

By Dr. Jane BluesteinDecember 10, 2012May 9, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Counselors, Discipline, Intervening negative behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Establishing your authority with boundaries * Boundaries allow you to express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability of certain privileges that your children desire. * Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself while attempting to accommodate your children’s needs or desires. * Boundaries build…

9 Things to Remember when Setting Boundaries- For Parents

By Dr. Jane BluesteinDecember 10, 2012May 9, 2022 Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Counselors, Discipline, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win parenting authority Leave a comment

Practical tips for making boundaries work * Use boundaries to let your children know your limits and tolerances, your availability, the conditions under which you will participate in some activity, which privileges are available, or the conditions under which a privilege is available to your children. Use boundaries to give your children information they can…

Examples of Some New Ways of Thinking

By Dr. Jane BluesteinDecember 9, 2012June 9, 2022 Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Intervening negative behavior, Mental Health, Modeling positive behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Relationships, Rules and Boundaries, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority authority relationships, constructive thinking, creating more positive thinking patterns, impact of others, personal relationships, respect for others, responsibility, rules and boundaries, self-care, victim thinking, win-lose vs win-win Leave a comment

Transforming old messages into more constructive thoughts Old message: If only my students (or kids, spouse, boss, parents, the government, etc.) would change, my life would be better. New message: If my current behaviors (or thinking patterns) aren’t working for me, I am willing to change them. Old message: Other people’s actions, words and attitudes create my feelings…