What is Optimal Self-Esteem?

By Robert ReasonerJuly 6, 2022July 6, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Life Management, Parenting, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Recognition and Reinforcement, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth approval, authentic self, autonomy, competence, ecosystem, feedback, improvement, power, progress, seeking approval, self, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-motivation, sense of worth Leave a comment

Egosystem or Ecosystem? This piece was contributed by Robert W. Reasoner, former president of the International Council for Self-Esteem. It appeared in the council’s Research Bulletin #1, May 20, 2006 It is generally accepted that people seek to maintain, enhance, and protect their self-esteem. Although there may be cultural variability in its expression, the tendency to seek self-esteem is…

My Parents Don’t Trust Me!

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 13, 2022 Building responsibility, Counselors, Motivating cooperation, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Students, Win-win parenting authority being reliable, being responsible, establishing trust, getting parents to trust you, rebuilding trust Leave a comment

Helping kids establish (or re-establish) trust with parents Excerpted and adapted from High School’s Not Forever by Dr. Jane Bluestein and Eric Katz, MSAC (2005, Health Communications, Inc, Deerfield Beach, FL). This piece was written for teens and young people, and is included on this site for parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, and others who work with…

Bully-Proofing Kids

By Dr. Michele BorbaJune 11, 2022June 12, 2022 Counselors, Creating community, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, Health and Safety, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Uncategorized building independence, bully-proofing, bullying, comebacks to bullies, confidence, dignity, kids and power, reducing vulnerability, strategies for dealing with bullies, teaching assertiveness Leave a comment

Real strategies to teach kids so they are less likely to be bullied Adapted from an article sent to me by Dr. Michele Borba in 2011. Some of the language was modified to shift away from the term “victim” to emphasize a more self-empowered term: “target.” And although this article was originally written for parents,…

Stop Telling Me How Lucky I Am!

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 2, 2022June 2, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Life Management, Mental Health, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Relationships, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself acceptance, emotions, feeling feelings, feelings, friendship, gratitude, gratitude as a drug, hearing me, listening, processing emotions, reality, respect, suppressed feelings, validation Leave a comment

5 things to do instead I was having a really bad stretch at work. A cold, rainy week had left my students stir-crazy, loud, and barely manageable. I’d had an encounter with an angry parent (whose child wasn’t even in my class). And my administrator still hadn’t responded to several requests for basic supplies we…

Dr. Bluestein’s Original Reprint Series

By Dr. Jane BluesteinApril 28, 2022April 27, 2023 Behavior Management, Books, Bookstore, Counselors, Culture and Community, Educators, Parenting, Parents beginning teachers, Books by Dr Jane Bluestein, career satisfaction, depression, Dr. Jane Bluestein's books, gratitude, handwriting, healthy families, jouirnaling, mental health, miracles and gratitude, parenting, perfectionism, positive relationships, school safety, school success, self-harm, successful teaching, teaching career, win-win parenting Leave a comment

New Life for Old (and Not-so-Old) Books In the world of publishing, it is not unusual for books to have a natural life cycle. When two of my publishers downsized, several of my books went out of print. Getting the rights back to this content has allowed me to set up this new Original…

Tired of Nagging Your Kids?

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJanuary 6, 2019July 4, 2022 Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority autonomy, boundaries, choices, cooperation, encouragement, follow through, gotcha, nagging, opposition, parental authority, positive connection, positive consequences, positivity, power struggles, privileges, saying no to kids, threats, validation, win-win parenting Leave a comment

Here’s What you Can Do Instead You’ve probably heard them all. “Awww, Mom!!” “Do I have to.” Or my all-time favorite, “You can’t make me!” Or maybe your kids’ routines are more along the lines of pouting, arguing, ignoring you (or agreeing and then ignoring you). Either way, in the day-to-day dealings with children, there…

Dream Big!

By Dr. Jane BluesteinNovember 16, 2017June 10, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Increasing Positivity, Modeling positive behavior, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Social and Emotional Growth "i can", creativity, dream big, dreaming, emotional support, encouragement, fantasies, inspiration, listening, modeling, positivity, protectiveness, supporting children, unconditional love Leave a comment

Encouraging your children’s fantasies—and their future! It’s something a child hears often: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” A simple, even rhetorical question. But for children, this is a serious inquiry that can also be a great opportunity to share their ambitions, dreams, and creative longings. Even if the answers vary…

Getting Through the “Gimme” Season

By Dr. Jane BluesteinDecember 8, 2016April 30, 2022 Behavior Management, Discipline, Discipline, Gratitude and inspiration, Parenting, Parenting, Rules and Boundaries, Taking care of yourself bad reasons for buying, boundaries and holiday spending, gift giving, holiday shopping, limits on spending, presents, shopping for your kids Leave a comment

Tips for joyful giving (and staying sane) The hints start dropping early. Visions of sugarplums give way to images of the hottest toys, trends, and technology. Lists, links, and spreadsheets are emailed, tweeted, and texted. I want. I want. I want. Our inboxes overflow with gift ideas. We get wound up by the promises of glittery commercials…

Ways to Help your Child Survive your Divorce

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJuly 16, 2016April 30, 2022 Counselors, General Interest, Overcoming obstacles, Parent-Teacher relationships, Parenting, Parents, Social and Emotional Growth alerting schools to divorce, divorce, maintaining boundaries during divorce, respecting spouse during divorce, supporting children through divorce Leave a comment

Beyond damage control… Here are some tips to reduce the stress and anxiety you children may experience during and after your divorce. • Maintain a civil relationship with your spouse* during the divorce and afterwards. Treat each other with tolerance and respect. • Don’t badmouth your spouse to your kids regardless of your feelings for him…

Presentation: Perfectionism—What’s it Costing Our Kids?

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 26, 2016June 1, 2022 Counselors, Cultural Changes, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Health and Safety, Increasing Positivity, Parenting, Perfectionism, Tolerance and Respect Leave a comment

The high cost of the pressure to be perfect What’s wrong with perfectionism? Everything! Here are the causes and consequences of perfectionism—plus a few suggestions for potential “cures.” Some young people continually strive for excellence, trying to do their best, willing to make mistakes and learn from them, and take on challenges to grow their interests. Others chase perfection,…