Starting Over is Not Failure

Beginning a new year. Or a new day. Note, May 2, 2016: I started this post on Feb. 8, 2014 and, like many things I started during the time I was working on the perfectionism book, lost track of it before I finished. I think the idea of coming back more than 2 years later…

I-Messages: The Handout

More information about a destructive communication pattern This handout was developed to accompany a free online article, “What’s Wrong with ‘I-Messages’?” I first wrote about the problems with using this formula to try to get people to assess (and shift) their behavior in 1991. Evidence based on outcomes of using this formula has only strengthened my opinion. There…

Preventing Bullying in the Digital Age

Understanding and managing cyberspace aggression Guest blogger Amy Williams shares what to watch for and how to prevent meanness in the digital age. The ripple effect of bullying can be felt across all lanes of life. Similar to raging drivers on the road, aggressive Internet users can create a threatening environment for the people around them….

9 Avantages à Poser des Questions au lieu d’en Donner des Réponses

Les avantages: Par Jane Bluestein Ph.D. • Les questions aident les enfants à explorer les dimensions d’un problème. • Les questions aident les enfants à explorer les options qui leur sont disponibles. • Les questions aident les enfants à identifier leurs buts et intentions. • Les questions servent à dégager des solutions de la part…

An Alternative to Advice Giving

Asking questions to guide problem solving The questions that follow are provided to help with the mechanics of mastering the technique of “asking—not telling,” an effective alternative to giving kids advice that encourages independence and problem-solving competence. The questions are

Non-Supportive Responses to Avoid

Yes, these really do make things worse! What’s your first instinct when someone you care about* is in distress? For those of us who are inclined to offer comfort and understanding, it’s probably a good idea to see if our actual responses match our intentions.   Ideally, you’ll be in a calm space—with time to listen…

“Bully” is a Four-Letter Word

Understanding the Concept to Manage the Territory by Dr. Jo Ann Freiberg Columbine was the crucible. Whether because of its scale or because it happened in an upper middle class suburban community, what occurred in Littleton, Colorado forever changed how schools and communities in the United States respond to “bullying.” Prior to this event, the…

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Friendships

Learning to tell the difference Think about someone in your life who leaves an open space for you to be yourself. No one is more valuable. I would rather have a pillar of trust in my life than a pillar of strength. —Deepak Chopra Do you have friends who leave you feeling happy and uplifted?…

Perfectionism with Dr. Miriam Adderholdt

What’s Bad About Being Too Good? Episode Summary: In a culture that praises and rewards excellence and accomplishment, how can we avoid crossing the line to a dangerous desire for perfection? Dr. Jane Bluestein talks with Dr. Miriam Adderholdt about what perfectionism is, how it can negatively affect our social and emotional health, and the difference…