What is Optimal Self-Esteem?

By Robert ReasonerJuly 6, 2022July 6, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Life Management, Parenting, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Recognition and Reinforcement, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth approval, authentic self, autonomy, competence, ecosystem, feedback, improvement, power, progress, seeking approval, self, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-motivation, sense of worth Leave a comment

Egosystem or Ecosystem? This piece was contributed by Robert W. Reasoner, former president of the International Council for Self-Esteem. It appeared in the council’s Research Bulletin #1, May 20, 2006 It is generally accepted that people seek to maintain, enhance, and protect their self-esteem. Although there may be cultural variability in its expression, the tendency to seek self-esteem is…

5 Reasons Perfectionists Never Achieve Their New Year’s Resolutions

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 17, 2022June 17, 2022 Counselors, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Life Management, Mental Health, Overcoming obstacles, Perfectionism, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself conditional acceptance, gradual improvement, guilt, intentions, perfectionism, positive growth, resolutions, self-sabotage Leave a comment

It’s not because you’re weak! “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” —Japanese proverb The statistics aren’t promising: Only 8 percent of the people who make New Year’s resolutions actually achieve their goals. Since my resolutions don’t seem to change much from one year to the next, with only varying degrees of progress each time, I…

8 Ways To Start Being Your Authentic Self

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 17, 2022June 17, 2022 Counselors, General Interest, Life Management, Mental Health, Perfectionism, Perfectionism, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself authentic self, authenticity, avoiding toxic people, being valued, confidence, old messages, seeking approval, self-care, true self, useful feedback Leave a comment

You can finally stop faking it! When we’re young, our survival depends on the approval of others. Most of us grow up looking for ways to fit in, which often means living up to the expectations others have for us—rather than being our authentic selves. In general, the need for approval drops off over the…

My Parents Don’t Trust Me!

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 13, 2022 Building responsibility, Counselors, Motivating cooperation, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Students, Win-win parenting authority being reliable, being responsible, establishing trust, getting parents to trust you, rebuilding trust Leave a comment

Helping kids establish (or re-establish) trust with parents Excerpted and adapted from High School’s Not Forever by Dr. Jane Bluestein and Eric Katz, MSAC (2005, Health Communications, Inc, Deerfield Beach, FL). This piece was written for teens and young people, and is included on this site for parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, and others who work with…

Educators at Risk

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 13, 2022June 13, 2022 Avoiding burnout, Counselors, Life Management, Mental Health, Professional growth, Self-care and Inspiration, Taking care of yourself, Teacher retention, Teaching harmful beliefs, teacher stress, teachers at risk Leave a comment

Characteristics of educators at risk: * Feels personally responsible for a student’s successes and failures Measures personal success or failure by student behavior and achievement, or by approval from others Has an overwhelming need to avoid conflict and generate approval from others (which can manifest as attention-seeking, maintaining status quo, or even rebelliousness) Willing to…

Bully-Proofing Kids

By Dr. Michele BorbaJune 11, 2022June 12, 2022 Counselors, Creating community, Educators, Feedback and encouragement, Health and Safety, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Uncategorized building independence, bully-proofing, bullying, comebacks to bullies, confidence, dignity, kids and power, reducing vulnerability, strategies for dealing with bullies, teaching assertiveness Leave a comment

Real strategies to teach kids so they are less likely to be bullied Adapted from an article sent to me by Dr. Michele Borba in 2011. Some of the language was modified to shift away from the term “victim” to emphasize a more self-empowered term: “target.” And although this article was originally written for parents,…

Stop Telling Me How Lucky I Am!

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJune 2, 2022June 2, 2022 Counselors, Educators, Emotionally safe schools, Feedback and encouragement, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Life Management, Mental Health, Parenting, Parents, Problem solving, Relationships, SEL- Social and Emotional Learning, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself acceptance, emotions, feeling feelings, feelings, friendship, gratitude, gratitude as a drug, hearing me, listening, processing emotions, reality, respect, suppressed feelings, validation Leave a comment

5 things to do instead I was having a really bad stretch at work. A cold, rainy week had left my students stir-crazy, loud, and barely manageable. I’d had an encounter with an angry parent (whose child wasn’t even in my class). And my administrator still hadn’t responded to several requests for basic supplies we…

Dr. Bluestein’s Original Reprint Series

By Dr. Jane BluesteinApril 28, 2022April 27, 2023 Behavior Management, Books, Bookstore, Counselors, Culture and Community, Educators, Parenting, Parents beginning teachers, Books by Dr Jane Bluestein, career satisfaction, depression, Dr. Jane Bluestein's books, gratitude, handwriting, healthy families, jouirnaling, mental health, miracles and gratitude, parenting, perfectionism, positive relationships, school safety, school success, self-harm, successful teaching, teaching career, win-win parenting Leave a comment

New Life for Old (and Not-so-Old) Books In the world of publishing, it is not unusual for books to have a natural life cycle. When two of my publishers downsized, several of my books went out of print. Getting the rights back to this content has allowed me to set up this new Original…

37 Ways to Spread Love On Random Acts Of Kindness Day (& Every Other Day, Too!)

By Dr. Jane BluesteinFebruary 6, 2019April 30, 2022 Counselors, Creating community, Educators, General Interest, Gratitude and inspiration, Increasing Positivity, Life Management, Relationships, Self-care and Inspiration, Social and Emotional Growth, Taking care of yourself, Teacher Appreciation, Tolerance and Respect 1 Comment

Share your good vibes with the world. by Dr. Jane Bluestein No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. — Aesop Think of the times you’ve been on the receiving end of someone’s courtesy, thoughtfulness, or patience — and how good it felt to get a call from an old friend or when that…

Tired of Nagging Your Kids?

By Dr. Jane BluesteinJanuary 6, 2019July 4, 2022 Avoiding power struggles, Avoiding power struggles with your kids, Behavior Management, Behavior Management, Building responsibility, Counselors, Motivating cooperation, Motivating your kids, Parenting, Parenting, Parents, Rules and Boundaries, Rules and Boundaries, Win-win authority, Win-win parenting authority autonomy, boundaries, choices, cooperation, encouragement, follow through, gotcha, nagging, opposition, parental authority, positive connection, positive consequences, positivity, power struggles, privileges, saying no to kids, threats, validation, win-win parenting Leave a comment

Here’s What you Can Do Instead You’ve probably heard them all. “Awww, Mom!!” “Do I have to.” Or my all-time favorite, “You can’t make me!” Or maybe your kids’ routines are more along the lines of pouting, arguing, ignoring you (or agreeing and then ignoring you). Either way, in the day-to-day dealings with children, there…