Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging your relationships, making you sick, and holding your happiness hostage.
Have you ever:
* compared yourself to others and seemed to come up short?
* felt like no matter how much you did or how hard you tried, it wasn’t enough?
* set unrealistic, even harmful standards for yourself or others?
* been afraid to start on a project, thinking you didn’t have what it took to do it right?
* missed deadlines, sleep, or meals as you continued to “refine” your work, doing it over and over trying to get it perfect?
* been afraid to make mistakes, admit you didn’t know something, or let people see the real you?
* found yourself nagging your partner, kids, or coworkers—especially over something fairly small or insignificant?
* felt disappointed because you or others didn’t live up to your expectations?
What’s wrong with perfectionism? Everything!
Most people mistakenly confuse perfectionism with a healthy striving for excellence—but there is a big difference. One can lead to great achievement—or at least great learning—by allowing us to take risks, make mistakes, and forge ahead anyway. The other is a psychological wound that invites constant comparison with others, and traps us with all-or-nothing thinking that can paralyze us in a cycle of indecision, fear, and self-loathing.
This eye-opening book shows us the truth about perfectionism with clear, easily readable text that:
• explains how perfectionism grows from a desire to create feelings of safety, belonging, and worth, and from the belief that if we are “perfect” no one will criticize, hurt, or reject us.
• exposes perfectionism as the inner critic that labels us a failure or a fraud, regardless of our efforts, progress, or success.
• shows how perfectionism is an unattainable pursuit that can hurt us physically and psychologically, get in the way of achievement and advancement, and damage relationships and alienate others.
• identifies how perfectionism prevents us from saying “no” to others’ demands and keeps us too busy to pursue our own dreams and goals.
Over the years, Dr. Bluestein has seen the toxic and corrosive effects of perfectionism on people’s thinking, their bodies, their relationships, their work, and their sense of worth. She emphatically shows that perfectionism is not a good thing and that it’s not remotely the same as doing our best.
Through personal interviews and the latest research, Dr. Bluestein explores how perfectionism develops, how our culture fuels the dysfunction, and how it can hurt our physical, mental, and social well-being.
Further, she provides practical strategies for moving toward authenticity and wholeness so we can live with confidence, self-fulfillment, and happiness.
5 1/2″ x 8 1/2″, 300 pages. Print copy, $13.99; Kindle edition, $9.99.
See our growing collection of Dr. Bluestein’s Original Reprint Series.
We still have a few copies of this book on hand with the original cover. Save and order paperback or ePub editions on Amazon by clicking on the blue box above.
Read the Starred Review in the Library Journal!
See other reviews, articles, and interviews here.
Interview questions and brief answers are also online now!
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© 2015, Dr. Jane Bluestein
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Hey Janie!
Would you autograph the book for me?
Gracie
Absolutely and with pleasure. I’m delighted that your voice is a part of this project. (Don, too.) xoxox
Jane,
I saw your presentation at the Coliseum over the weekend. It really spoke to me as I sat there crying and relating to almost everything that you were speaking about. I realized that I am a perfectionist and that there are many things I need to work on. I thought it was anxiety (only) but I realized that it ran much deeper than that.
I just wanted to thank you for delivering your presentation and I will be ordering your book as soon as I able to.
A humble educator/perfectionist.
M
Melanie, thank you so much. If it helps, you’re in excellent company. Know that this is a lifelong journey and these issues WILL pop up from time to time. I’m in the process of re-formatting the book to upload to my own company on Amazon and of course that means re-reading the material, start to finish. (Text can get scrambled in the conversion process.) I am constantly wanting to highlight certain passages to remind me to follow my own advice. I hope you enjoy the book, and that our paths cross again one day.