Archive | Taking care of yourself

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Letting go of pain, stress, and suffering Note from Dr. Bluestein: Many of you know how picky I am about what I include on this site. This is a piece I came across a while ago and have been wanting to include it here ever since. This list strongly resonates with concepts I’ve been promoting in […]

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Stress-Producing Obstacles in Relationships

Patterns to avoid Want to reduce conflict, pain, and alienation in relationships with the important people in your life? Here are some of the patterns that make connecting difficult. (Some suggestions for resolution below.) • Needing to be in charge or in control, especially when it depends on disempowering or controlling others, or when it disregards […]

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Does Your Confidence Propel or Sabotage You?

How confidence affects our happiness There are two different kinds of confidence a person may embrace. One comes from a strong, quiet strength and the second type comes from a fear-based confidence. Quiet confidence is an inner strength that when attained doesn’t have to be talked about or placed on a résumé; it shows in a […]

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Presentation: The Perfection Deception

Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging our relationships, making us sick, and holding our happiness hostage Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Perfectionism may sound like a good thing, but it’s entirely different from the more realistic and achievable healthy pursuit of excellence. Working diligently toward improvement, learning, and growth is also far less destructive (and […]

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Book: The Perfection Deception

Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging your relationships, making you sick, and holding your happiness hostage. Have you ever: * felt like no matter how much you did or how hard you tried, it wasn’t enough? * compared yourself to others and seemed to come up short? * set unrealistic, even harmful standards for […]

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I-Messages: The Handout

More information about a destructive communication pattern This handout was developed to accompany a free online article, “What’s Wrong with ‘I-Messages’?” I first wrote about the problems with using this formula to try to get people to change their behavior in 1991. Evidence based on outcomes of using this formula has only strengthened my opinion. There are […]

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6 Ways to Take More Time for Yourself

Making yourself a priority • When your children are young, start building their independence so they learn to to give you some space. Start by spending one minute in a separate room or part of the house—or less if you have to. Add a little more time each day until you work up to what feels […]

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Preventing Bullying in the Digital Age

Understanding and managing cyberspace aggression Guest blogger Amy Williams shares what to watch for and how to prevent meanness in the digital age. The ripple effect of bullying can be felt across all lanes of life. Similar to raging drivers on the road, aggressive Internet users can create a threatening environment for the people around them. […]

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Respect, Reflection, and Resources

Tips to Improve Teacher Efficacy Guest blogger, Dr. Jared Scherz, offers some ideas for teachers to enhance their professional growth and their experience as a professional educator. Respect Teachers need to be treated like professionals, offered meaningful feedback but allowed and encouraged to provide input of their own. If adjustments are needed, they are informed […]

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6 Manières de Prendre plus de Temps pour Vous-même

Par Jane Bluestein Ph.D. • Quand vos enfants sont encore petits, commencez à renforcer leur indépendance pour qu’ils apprennent à vous donner de l’espace. Commencer par passer une minute dans une pièce séparée—ou moins si nécessaire. Ajoutez un peu plus de temps chaque jour, jusqu’à ce que vous sentiez que vous avez atteint une pause […]

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36 Choses que Vous Pouvez Faire Pour Vous Sentir Bien

Par Jane Bluestein Ph.D. • Faites quelque chose que vous avez longtemps retardé. • Essayez une nouvelle recette ou un nouveau restaurant. • Ecrivez une lettre à quelqu’un de spécial. • Réparez quelque chose qui a été cassé. • Dites une blague à quelqu’un. • Offrez-vous un soin de visage, une manucure ou un massage (ou tous les trois!) • Promenez-vous pour […]

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“Making Someone Wrong”

What does that really mean? It was just a little editorial comment in the column of the manuscript for my last book. I was explaining the power of conditional access to positive consequences, noting that it was not necessary to “make [kids] wrong or point out the error of their ways when they blow it” […]

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Taking a Step Back

…Before taking the next step forward A new friend just asked if she could interview me on the topic of guilt-free self-care. I eagerly agreed but assured her that I knew very little about either. To be fair, I’m much better about the guilt part, but I’ve noticed a few lapses in my efforts at […]

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Creating Kindness

Finding a positive outlet for outrage and pain It’s the day after the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case and I’m seeing pain, heartbreak, and outrage in post after post on Facebook. I can appreciate each one of these comments, and frankly think they say a great deal about my Facebook friends. Of course I’m […]

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How to Rewire Your Burned-Out Brain

Tips from a neurologist Dr. Judy Willis is a neurologist, an authority in brain research related to learning and the brain and, more recently, a classroom teacher. This article appeared on the Edutopia Web site on May 22, 2012. Thanks to Kay Provolt for sending me this link when I really needed it, and to the […]

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How to Stay Stressed

Does this sound familiar? The following material came from a bookmark distributed by De Anza College: Although the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of students, faculty, and staff alike. On account of this, we have come to the following conclusion: You […]

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The Myth of the Self-Esteem “Myth”

What self-esteem is, and is not On this page you will find a comparison between the characteristics of someone with a healthy, functional sense of self-worth vs. the characteristics of someone whose sense of worth, value, esteem, and deservingness is weak or low. See below for additional information. Self-esteem clearly goes beyond simply “feeling good […]

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