Relationships

“Making Someone Wrong”

April 23, 2014 Building responsibility

What does that really mean? It was just a little editorial comment in the column of the manuscript for my last book. I was explaining the power of conditional access to positive consequences, noting that it was not necessary to “make [kids] wrong or point out the error of their ways when they blow it” […]

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The Gift of Service: Certificate

March 24, 2014 Counselors

Download page for Service Certificates Click here to download a page with two copies of a certificate you can duplicate to offer the gift of your service to someone in your life. This page corresponds to Chapter 4, “The Pleasures of Service,” in Magic, Miracles and Synchronicity by Jane Bluestein, Judy Lawrence, and S.J. Sanchez. See below […]

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Angels in Disguise: Certificate

March 24, 2014 Counselors

Download page for Angel Certificates Click here to download a page with two copies of a certificate you can duplicate to recognize and acknowledge the Angels in Disguise who enrich your life. These “angels” could be family and friends, or they could be helpers, service people, or total strangers who add to your life with […]

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Non-Supportive Responses to Avoid

May 7, 2013 Counselors

Yes, these really do make things worse! If people trust us enough to share an experience that has had an emotional impact on them, we usually do the most good when we can respond with empathy and support. Unfortunately, the following non-supportive or negative responses are so common and pervasive in our culture that avoiding […]

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“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication

March 28, 2013 Avoiding power struggles

Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for […]

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What’s Wrong with I-Messages?

January 14, 2013 Avoiding power struggles

Problems with a popular formula © 1991, 1999, 2003, 2013 This article was originally written for an issue of Families in Recovery, a parenting magazine that is no longer in print. Although the examples primarily feature parent-child interactions, the dynamics, issues, and alternatives are applicable to any relationship. A man in one of my workshops […]

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Rules and Beliefs of Unhealthy Systems

November 26, 2012 Counselors

Foundations of unhealthy adult-child group systems For much of my recent career, I have referred the following two lists (“Rules” and “Beliefs”) as the basis for the paradigm in which many of our current practices and polices exist. The information comes from Alice Miller’s work (cited below) and represents destructive, if common, ideas which cumulatively […]

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The Dignity Stance

November 26, 2012 Counselors

Tips for responding to meanness or bullying by Naomi Drew Note from Jane Bluestein: Ms. Drew recommends teaching kids the following strategies. I think this information would also be valuable for adults in a similar situation.

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Presentation: The Soft-Drink Dilemma

November 8, 2012 Counselors

Creating Win-Win Options in a Win-Lose World Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Have you ever noticed that if you go to a restaurant and want a soft-drink, in almost every case you have to decide between Pepsi or Coke products? A silly distinction, but one that reflects the win-lose mentality that suggests in order for one side […]

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Presentation: Boundaries 101

November 6, 2012 Counselors

From Basic to Black-Belt Self-Care Techniques Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Do you have a tendency to say yes when you want to say no? Is follow-through a challenge? Do you find yourself asking for excuses or giving warnings? Do you sometimes feel taken for granted? If you do, you are not alone. 

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Presentation: Clearing the Hurdles in Challenging Relationships

November 6, 2012 Avoiding burnout

Eliminating Stress-Producing Obstacles Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein How to keep good relationships from going bad— and turning challenging relationships around! We’ll examine common obstacles in relationships, including expectations and power issues, many common responses to someone in crisis, and differences in personal styles for learning, explaining, perceiving, and understanding.

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Presentation: Secrets of Successful Mentorship

August 13, 2012 Counselors

Practical Ideas for Great Leaders Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein If you are fortunate enough to be a mentor, whether to a colleague, a trainee, a newcomer to your field, or a child in your life, there are certain

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Presentation: Grownups, Kids and Boundaries

August 13, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

How to Draw the Line Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Need some great ideas for motivating cooperation, building accountability and self-management, and reducing conflict with the young people in your life? Here are simple, practical ways

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Presentation: Positively Positive at Home!

August 13, 2012 Behavior Management

Keeping the Focus You Want! Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Have you ever made a commitment to be more positive in your relationship with your children, only to have your good intentions unravel the second you trip over the soccer gear on the steps?

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Presentation: Are Your Colleagues Driving You Crazy?

August 13, 2012 General Interest

Building Bridges with Difficult People in Your Life Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Different brains work in different ways, and individual preferences and styles can create stress and conflict in even the best relationships.

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Parents as Allies

August 12, 2012 Behavior Management

Building Your Support Team: Parents Free excerpt from Becoming a Win-Win Teacher by Dr. Jane Bluestein (Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Publishing, 2010), from chapter 9: “Build Your Support Team.” This chapter also includes

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Great Expectations!

August 12, 2012 Avoiding burnout

Good News for Beginning Teaachers No one knows better than a first year teacher that the beginning of the school year bristles with anticipation—and not just for the kids.

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Ways to be a More Conscious Parent

August 11, 2012 Parenting

14 Tips for Becoming More Aware of How You Interact with Your Children • Identify your parenting goals. Think of what you want your relationship to be like and what you can do to make that happen. Look at both

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