Win-win parenting authority

5 Characteristics of a Good Boundary- For Parents

March 31, 2013 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

And why they are better than rules Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want, and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as [...]

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“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication

March 28, 2013 Avoiding power struggles

 Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for [...]

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6 Reasons to Not Ask “Why”- For Parents

December 10, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

No more excuses! This post is about not asking for excuses by asking your kids to explain why they did something wrong or forgot to do something they were supposed to do (or had agreed to do). This is a common pattern that will create problems and can undermine your authority. Here’s why asking “why” [...]

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11 Reasons to Use Boundaries- For Parents

December 10, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Establishing your authority with boundaries * Boundaries allow you to express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability of certain privileges that your children desire. * Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself while attempting to accommodate your children’s needs or desires. * Boundaries build [...]

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9 Things to Remember when Setting Boundaries- For Parents

December 10, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Practical tips for making boundaries work * Use boundaries to let your children know your limits and tolerances, your availability, the conditions under which you will participate in some activity, which privileges are available, or the conditions under which a privilege is available to your children. Use boundaries to give your children information they can [...]

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Rules and Beliefs of Unhealthy Systems

November 26, 2012 Counselors

Foundations of unhealthy adult-child group systems For much of my recent career, I have referred the following two lists (“Rules” and “Beliefs”) as the basis for the paradigm in which many of our current practices and polices exist. The information comes from Alice Miller’s work (cited below) and represents destructive, if common, ideas which cumulatively [...]

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Thinking of “Consequences” as the Good Stuff

November 22, 2012 Discipline

A very different approach! Here’s a new spin on the notion of “consequences,” a term familiar to every parent. But rather than looking at the negative outcome of behavioral choices your children make, let’s

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Guidelines for Handling Your Children’s Negative Behavior

November 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Practical tips for parents and caregivers • Think prevention. Although no one can predict every possible opportunity for disaster, many problems can be avoided by taking the time to anticipate

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Guidelines for Offering Choices to Your Children

November 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Practical tips for parents and caregivers • Choices, like boundaries, are motivational tools that encourage cooperation through input and empowerment. Offer choices in the absence of desirable child behavior, to encourage your child to

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Product: Article Reprints

September 25, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

Articles by Dr. Jane Bluestein This is a complete listing of the article reprints available on this site. The articles are listed in alphabetical order and cover a wide range of topics, primarily for parents and educators, with some subjects

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Video: Win-Win Parenting

September 23, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Video presentation on 4 DVDs featuring Dr. Jane Bluestein Win-win authority dynamics applied to relationships between parents and children. Includes practical strategies and tips for avoiding conflict, engaging cooperative behavior, building responsibility, setting boundaries and following through, and supporting children’s emotional needs. Appropriate for parents, grandparents, foster parents, and

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Audio: ParentTapes

September 19, 2012 Audio products

Two audio CDs or mp3 audio files featuring Dr. Jane Bluestein Hear Dr. Bluestein in a live— and very lively— presentation for more than 200 parents of kids of all ages and stages. These two CDs provide nearly 2 hours’ worth of simple, practical ideas for building relationships with your kids. This entertaining and dynamic [...]

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Book: Parents, Teens and Boundaries

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

How to Draw the Line by Dr. Jane Bluestein Finally! A book that takes parents beyond surviving their kids’ teen years to a place where they can actually enjoy them. This book looks at the parent-child relationship from a perspective of boundaries—what they are, when they’re necessary, and how to express and maintain them. Discover [...]

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Book: Listas Para Padres

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Qué Hacer y Qué No libro de Jane Bluestein Más de 1.000 tips para construir mejores relaciones, con ideas simples, prácticas y comprobadas para ayudarle a construir el carácter, aumentar el rendimiento escolar, motivar la cooperación, reducir las fricciones, solucionar problemas y

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Book: The Parent’s Little Book of Lists

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting by Dr. Jane Bluestein Thousands of simple, practical, kid-tested ideas to help you build character, avoid power struggles, increase school success, motivate cooperation, reduce conflict, solve problems and create safe, loving relationships with

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Book: The Book of Article Reprints

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

A collection of articles for educators, counselors, and parents by Dr. Jane Bluestein This collection is available in print and as a PDF eBook download. Here, finally, is a collection of nearly three decades worth of articles by Dr. Jane Bluestein, including several several made available through I.S.S. Publications for the first time.

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Motivating Cooperative Behavior

August 20, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

Three Approaches to Authority Relationships Two Win-Lose approaches that can compromise the emotional safety of the environment:

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Presentation: Parents, Teens and Boundaries

August 13, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

How to Draw the Line Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein Ah, the Terrific Teens! What a perfect time to refine— or redefine— your relationship with your child!

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