Motivating your kids

“Making Someone Wrong”

April 23, 2014 Building responsibility

What does that really mean? It was just a little editorial comment in the column of the manuscript for my last book. I was explaining the power of conditional access to positive consequences, noting that it was not necessary to “make [kids] wrong or point out the error of their ways when they blow it” […]

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Presentation: Bouncing Back: Resiliency

October 24, 2013 Behavior Management

Building Resiliency and Persistence in Our Students Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein How often do we see students struggling with a new challenge and just give up? Some don’t even try, and can invent all sorts of excuses— sometimes with their parents’ support— to avoid the risk we all need to take when we’re learning […]

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Curfew Blues?

September 4, 2013 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Time to Agree about Time Do you get pushback from your kids when you try to enforce a curfew time? If so, you’re in good company. This is an area of conflict for many families and very often, the automatic response to a child’s negative response— whether sulking, arguing, complaining, or flat-out defiance— tends to […]

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Good Parenting or Effective Parenting?

June 9, 2013 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

What is the Difference? Good parents control their children. Right? When a child is throwing a temper tantrum at the supermarket, everyone is thinking, “If they were good parents, they’d control that kid!” Well, perhaps not everyone thinks that, but when it’s our child and we are the ones on center stage, it usually feels […]

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Is Control the Goal? with Tammy Cox

June 9, 2013 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

The high price of trying to control children Episode Summary: Power is an intrinsic need we all have from day one! When it comes to adult-child relationships, power struggles are consistently at the top of the list. We all know that kids need limits and structure to grow into responsible adults, but there is also an […]

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5 Characteristics of a Good Boundary- For Parents

March 31, 2013 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

And why they are better than rules Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want, and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as […]

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“Magic” Sentences for Effective Communication

March 28, 2013 Avoiding power struggles

Positive language for avoiding conflict, negotiating agreements, and taking care of yourself “Magic Sentences” are key phrases that offer practical ways to use specific language to prevent, minimize, or de-escalate conflicts with others. Different sentences will be useful in different situations. These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships, and while they were originally developed for […]

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10 Dangers of Encouraging Obedience and People-Pleasing

February 9, 2013 Behavior Management

It’s not as desirable as it sounds! Parents can’t choose the mates of their children or the behavior of their children. You actually can’t choose anything for your children without disempowering them. —Abraham* Most of the parents and teachers with whom I work come to my presentations (especially ones like “You Can’t Make Me!” and […]

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What’s Wrong with I-Messages?

January 14, 2013 Avoiding power struggles

Problems with a popular formula © 1991, 1999, 2003, 2013 This article was originally written for an issue of Families in Recovery, a parenting magazine that is no longer in print. Although the examples primarily feature parent-child interactions, the dynamics, issues, and alternatives are applicable to any relationship. A man in one of my workshops […]

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11 Reasons to Use Boundaries- For Parents

December 10, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Establishing your authority with boundaries * Boundaries allow you to express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability of certain privileges that your children desire. * Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself while attempting to accommodate your children’s needs or desires. * Boundaries build […]

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9 Things to Remember when Setting Boundaries- For Parents

December 10, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Practical tips for making boundaries work * Use boundaries to let your children know your limits and tolerances, your availability, the conditions under which you will participate in some activity, which privileges are available, or the conditions under which a privilege is available to your children. Use boundaries to give your children information they can […]

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Thinking of “Consequences” as the Good Stuff

November 22, 2012 Discipline

A very different approach! Here’s a new spin on the notion of “consequences,” a term familiar to every parent. But rather than looking at the negative outcome of behavioral choices your children make, let’s

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Guidelines for Offering Choices to Your Children

November 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Practical tips for parents and caregivers • Choices, like boundaries, are motivational tools that encourage cooperation through input and empowerment. Offer choices in the absence of desirable child behavior, to encourage your child to

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Product: Article Reprints

September 25, 2012 Avoiding power struggles

Articles by Dr. Jane Bluestein This is a complete listing of the article reprints available on this site. The articles are listed in alphabetical order and cover a wide range of topics, primarily for parents and educators, with some subjects

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Video: Win-Win Parenting

September 23, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Four video presentation on one DVD featuring Dr. Jane Bluestein Win-win authority dynamics applied to relationships between parents and children. Includes practical strategies and tips for avoiding conflict, engaging cooperative behavior, building responsibility, setting boundaries and following through, and supporting children’s emotional needs. Appropriate for parents, grandparents, foster parents, and

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Audio: ParentTapes

September 19, 2012 Audio products

Two audio CDs or mp3 audio files featuring Dr. Jane Bluestein Hear Dr. Bluestein in a live— and very lively— presentation for more than 200 parents of kids of all ages and stages. These two CDs provide nearly 2 hours’ worth of simple, practical ideas for building relationships with your kids. This entertaining and dynamic […]

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Book: Parents, Teens and Boundaries

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

How to Draw the Line by Dr. Jane Bluestein Finally! A book that takes parents beyond surviving their kids’ teen years to a place where they can actually enjoy them. This book looks at the parent-child relationship from a perspective of boundaries—what they are, when they’re necessary, and how to express and maintain them. Discover […]

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Book: Listas Para Padres

September 19, 2012 Avoiding power struggles with your kids

Qué Hacer y Qué No libro de Jane Bluestein Más de 1.000 tips para construir mejores relaciones, con ideas simples, prácticas y comprobadas para ayudarle a construir el carácter, aumentar el rendimiento escolar, motivar la cooperación, reducir las fricciones, solucionar problemas y

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