Archive | Parenting

Book: The Perfection Deception

Why trying to be perfect is sabotaging your relationships, making you sick, and holding your happiness hostage. Note: This page represents the availability of this book after Aug. 15, 2015. To pre-order this book at a special price, click here. What’s wrong with perfectionism? Everything! Most people mistakenly confuse perfectionism with a healthy striving for excellence—but there […]

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I-Messages: The Handout

More information about a destructive communication pattern This handout was developed to accompany a free online article, “What’s Wrong with ‘I-Messages’?” I first wrote about the problems with using this formula to try to get people to change their behavior in 1991. Evidence based on outcomes of using this formula has only strengthened my opinion. There are […]

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9 Ways to be More Proactive

Thinking ahead, avoiding problems • Write down your parenting goals. Be specific about behaviors, principles and long-term outcomes that are important to you. It’s easier to anticipate, plan and prevent problems when you know what you’re trying to achieve! • Involve your children in discussions of your family’s goals, values and priorities. • Review your parenting goals […]

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How Do You Parent?

Noticing patterns in parenting styles Let’s examine your current parenting patterns and values. In each pair of statements, mark the one that you identify with most strongly, the one that “feels” most like you. ___ I respect the fact that my child has different tastes than I do. ___ I am often embarrassed by my […]

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Product: “Pads” on the Back

Like Getting a Hug on Paper by Dr. Jane Bluestein & Dr. Lynn Collins Now available as Post-It® Notes! After selling the last of thousands of the original product, we decided to reprint these “Pads,” this time as a set of sticky notes. The new pads are now available in 5 packs of 50 sheets, and […]

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9 Ways to Encourage Your Children’s Individuality

Appreciating your children’s uniqueness Even if your children are the spitting image of you, unless they are clones, you know that they are going to be different from you. And if you do indeed have more than one, they are going to be different from one another. This uniqueness contributes to the “personality” of your family, a potential […]

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Presentation: Parents in a Pressure Cooker

A comprehensive and positive approach for parents and caregivers Dozens of practical, positive, and effective strategies to help parents build kids’ cooperation, responsibility, and self-management in a caring, mutually-respectful, win-win environment. This program was designed as a half-day, full-day, or multi-day training to combine the discipline issues and power dynamics addressed in “You Can’t Make Me!”, with […]

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Playing Well With Others

Not all it’s cracked up to be When I was in second grade, I got a minus next to “plays well with others.” In my family, this was a terrible thing, worse even than getting a bad grade in the content areas. (This also wasn’t allowed, but somehow getting a “B”— the equivalent of failure […]

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13 Manières de Créer un Model de Respect pour votre Enfant

Par Jane Bluestein Ph.D. • Ecoutez. Regardez-le dans les yeux quand votre enfant vous parle.• Frappez avant d’entrer dans la chambre de votre enfant, surtout si la porte est fermée. • Employez le type de langage et le ton de voix qui serait acceptable si votre enfant vous parlait. • Appréciez le besoin qu’a votre enfant de s’amuser […]

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14 Façons d’être un Parent Plus Conscient

Par Jane Bluestein Ph.D. • Identifiez vos buts concernant l’éducation de votre enfant. Pensez au type de relation que vous cherchez à établir, et à ce que vous pouvez faire pour l’obtenir. Regardez les objectifs à long et à court-terme. • Faites-vous un petit panneau qui dit : « Ma relation avec mon enfant (ou mes enfants) est importante. […]

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“Making Someone Wrong”

What does that really mean? It was just a little editorial comment in the column of the manuscript for my last book. I was explaining the power of conditional access to positive consequences, noting that it was not necessary to “make [kids] wrong or point out the error of their ways when they blow it” […]

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It’s Only Disrespect if I Think it’s Disrespect

Attitudes are in the eye— and ear— of the beholder Do you have snarky people in your life? This post was adapted from material originally written for beginning teachers. The same ideas and strategies are equally effective in home and work environments, as well as any educational setting. Just substitute “student” (or “kid”) for “child,” […]

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Presentation: Bouncing Back: Resiliency

Building Resiliency and Persistence in Our Students Presentation by Dr. Jane Bluestein How often do we see students struggling with a new challenge and just give up? Some don’t even try, and can invent all sorts of excuses— sometimes with their parents’ support— to avoid the risk we all need to take when we’re learning […]

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Curfew Blues?

Time to Agree about Time Do you get pushback from your kids when you try to enforce a curfew time? If so, you’re in good company. This is an area of conflict for many families and very often, the automatic response to a child’s negative response— whether sulking, arguing, complaining, or flat-out defiance— tends to […]

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Good Parenting or Effective Parenting?

What is the Difference? Good parents control their children. Right? When a child is throwing a temper tantrum at the supermarket, everyone is thinking, “If they were good parents, they’d control that kid!” Well, perhaps not everyone thinks that, but when it’s our child and we are the ones on center stage, it usually feels […]

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